When I began my descent, as a teenager, into all things that could numb the pain, I looked in the mirror and saw someone who had no value except for being desired by boys. And so began the downward spiral that masqueraded as my life for quite some time.
Later, after I married and had chidlren, I didn't take the time to look at myself in the mirror much at all. Preferring instead to lift my children to the mirror and find my value in them.
In middle age, when God led me step by step through healing from the abuse, He unraveled layer after layer of blame, shame, guilt, loss, anger, and grief. When He got down to that final core of unbelief that I could be loved by Him and showed me He did love me-enough to die for me, out popped a new me. For the first time in my life, I could look in the mirror and see someone I liked.
Now, when I look in the mirror, I see someone who is growing old, someone not valued by our society, someone who is wearing out. But if I look through Jesus' eyes, I can also see someone who is looking a little bit more like Him, someone who sees perseverance in those grey hairs and wisdom in those wrinkles, someone who values a gentle and peaceful spirit more than a whistle from the guy on the corner. And I'm looking forward to that glorious day when I will be made an immortal body like His.
"So all of us who have had that veil removed can see and reflect the glory of the Lord. And the Lord-who is the Spirit-makes us more and more like Him as we are changed into His glorious image", 2 Corinthians 3:18, NLT.
I was struggled with the mirror since having my surgery over a year ago. Then the hair went, came back in grey, and I gained 30 lbs. Let's just say that I'm not a big fan of long observances in the mirror. The wounds I've experienced have gone deeper than the superficial scars. It's taking me a great deal of time to move past them... really to get to the root of them. I hope to now healing along these lines. I've already experienced a strong measure, but I long to walk in fullness again.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your heart, despite the pain it must sometimes bring. Your transparency speaks the healing work of the cross. I'm so glad God has touched you with the grace, mercy, and love of Calvary.
Blessings and peace to you this night~elaine
forgive the many typos...
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry that so much of your youth was swallowed in such pain. How amazing & wonderful that the Lord lead you to a place of healing.
ReplyDeleteSometimes when I look in the mirror I shriek. I want to know how all the sagging & wrinkling occurred, and when. I've learned to laugh about it but I share your enthusiasm for the new bodies we'll receive when, at long last, He returns.
Blessings & hugs,
Kathleen
"...someone who is wearing out..." ah,yes! I cringe at times when I have to look in the mirror so I can identify with what you are saying.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if this applies but I read this statement: "An identity grounded in God would mean that when we think of who we are, the first thing that would come to mind is our status as someone who is deeply loved by God."
... from a book by David Benner "The Gift of Being Yourself. A friend gave this to me recently and I heartily recommend it. It is easy reading (in one sense!) and not a huge volume.
Thanks for your honesty, Peggy. Continue to know God's love for you!
Can't imagine what you had to go through when your innocence was taken away...But I'm so glad that in that brokenness, you were transformed by the Power of the Cross.
ReplyDeleteI woke up with a neck pain after sleeping on a wrong position. I was saying "Come now Lord! Come!" I want to have that body that doesn't decay! I don't want this pain!!!
God bless you sister.
This is rich, beautiful Peggy.
ReplyDeleteAmen, such a lovely post, and very truth. You are God's beautiful daughter.
ReplyDeletePeggy you remain such an encourager. A light in the darkness. Thank you for continuing to share your journey. Blessings.
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