The Mood Cure

    Last week was a bad week for me. I have been on a pain medication, Tramadol, for my back pain for two years. Tramadol is a synthetic, man-made, opiate-like drug that is not considered a controlled substance except in a few states. It has helped my back pain and enabled me to live my life again, along with a couple of other meds I take.
    My husband and I went to Kansas City the weekend a week ago, to an alpaca show. Stupid me either misplaced my Tramadol or it was stolen from the hotel room. And my pain management doctor  has a policy to not refill lost or stolen pills. So I was forced to stop the Tramadol cold turkey.
    It was horrible. I've had the flu and the shingles this year but this withdrawal made me sicker than both of those combined. I had sweating, insomnia, body pain, depression. The first few days I thought I was going to die. I tried to get in to see my PCP but couldn't get an appointment with her until this week. I began to think God was wanting me to get off of this medicine but I didn't know if I could.
    Then I remembered a book I read several years ago that had helped me, "The Mood Cure" by Julia Ross. I got it out and started reading it again. She is a psychotherapist and pioneer in the field of nutritional psychology. She has treated thousands of women and addicts in her clinic in SanFransisco.
Her program uses four mood-building amino acids that can be bought at any health food store, as well as nutritional supplements and a diet rich in good mood foods like protein, fats, and vegetables.
    So I started following the suggestions in her book and immediately started feeling better. Now, a week later, I feel better than I have in a long time. Tramadol had not only helped my back pain but it elevated my mood also.  After two years on it though, it had numbed me so that I couldn't feel anything. I couldn't cry no matter how much I wanted to. But yesterday I went in tears to the altar of our church to be prayed over by an elder. The tears wouldn't stop. It was so nice to have that release of sweet tears.
    Last week, I couldn't wait until I could get back on Tramadol. I was counting off the days until my next doctor appointment. Now, I'm going to try to stay off of it. I'm going to follow the program in "The Mood Cure" to elevate my mood so that I can handle the pain better. So far it's working and my mind feels clearer than it has in years. All glory goes to my Savior always.
     I'm not saying everyone needs to get off their pain meds for chronic pain. That med gave me my life back when I was in so much pain I couldn't function. And I may have to get back on it again sometime. But if anyone wants a natural approach to elevate their moods so they can handle life than check out "The Mood Cure" by Julia Ross.
"Do not let any part of your body become an instrument of evil to serve sin. Instead, give yourselves completely to God, for you were dead, but now you have a new life. So use your whole body
as an instrument to do what is right", Romans 6:13

My Way!!!

                                          Bella giving a bottle to the calf.

                                          Kaya being Kaya.

    My two granddaughters came to visit last week for Spring Break. They are 3 and 9 years old, red-haired and high maintenance. Bella, the 9 year old, is famous for her "Bella Meltdowns". She is growing up. She didn't have a single meltdown while she was here.
    Her little sister, Kaya, however, was a stinker. If I would tell her that she couldn't have something or do something she wanted; she would either pucker up and cry or throw a temper tantrum. Clearly, she hasn't been told "No" much in her short life.
   If I asked her if she wanted to paint, or play outside, or get dressed-reasonable requests, she would say "No, Mommy do it. I don't like you".
    It reminded me of how I am toward God. If He closes the door on something I really want, I either pucker up and cry or throw a fit. I don't come right out and say that I don't like Him, but my thoughts and actions show that I am feeling that way.
    I've grown up somewhat. I know now that God's way is the best way, the only way. I'm not as rebellious as I was when I was younger; but I'm known to still have an occasional "Bella Meltdown" if I don't get my way.

    Lord, Save me from myself. Help me to always want your way in my life. Help me to keep my thoughts always on You and put You first in my priorities. Thank you for understanding when I have a meltdown, and for always loving me , even when I'm not loveable.

"Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect", Romans 12:2.

"No power in the sky above or in the earth below-indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus", Romans 8:39.

The Hare and the Tortoise

                                          Elizabetta is an alpaca

                                           Rosemary my pet sheep

                                           Thelma is a pygmy goat

                                            Sampson and Delilah are our LGDs

   My husband is a hare; he is a type A high energy person. I am a tortoise, slowly meandering around
most days with my head tucked in my shell. We have been so busy this almost spring on our farm. My husband's head has been spinning around thinking of all he wants and needs to do. I'm tucking my head further in my shell so it doesn't start spinning, too.
   We sold all our sheep except Rosemary, my pet, and Harriett, who doesn't shed any of her hair. We have 12 new ewes coming in May so we have to get the pasture ready for them-checking the fence, providing food troughs and water buckets.
   In the meantime, my husband the hare decided he would buy some alpacas-7 females and two  crias
and two herd sires. In April we will breed them, hoping for more cria next April. They are pregnant for 12 months?!?!
    I tried to talk my husband out of getting the alpacas but when his head is set on doing something, it's best to just step out of his way and let him go after it. Now that we have them, I'm in love-again! Their long necks are so graceful and they are peaceful like the sheep.
   We need to halter train the alpacas before the shearer comes in April to shear them all. Then we need to figure out what to do with all that valuable fleece. We have gone to a couple of spinning classes and have discovered that we have absolutely no talent for this. Needles and yarn have never been my friends.
   I need to take my Border collie, Grace, to agility classes; and all our dogs are due vaccinations and grooming. We now have a way to transport Sampson and Delilah; they have overgrown any type of vehicle except my husband's truck. He has found a ramp that they will walk up on to get in the truck bed. At least, Delilah has done this. Not Sampson our huge baby yet.
   We have 3 calves we are raising for meat and have had to bottlefeed. Actually we fasten buckets with long nipples onto the fence and they drink from this-twice every day. And our pygmy goat, Louise, gave birth to triplets. What cuteness!!! The 8 hens we bought for laying eggs have laid nary an egg. I've told them they are not at a resort. They are supposed to work for their accomodations.
   On top of all that our daughter and two youngest granddaughters are coming tomorrow to stay the week of their spring break. And then our oldest granddaughter and a friend are coming for their spring break next week.
   Is your head spinning yet? Mine is, just writing this. But it is almost spring (although we had snow and sleet yesterday); and a steady dose of sunshine will cure many ills. Depression?? I don't have time to let it settle in any more. And I believe (finally believe) that my God will never leave me or forsake me. "No one will be able to stand against you as long as you live. For I will be with you as I was with Moses. I will not fail you or abandon you", Joshua 1:5.
   My God directs my steps, delights in my life's details; and He holds my hand so that I won't fall on my back if I trip over. "The Lord directs the steps of  the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives. Though they stumble, they will never fall, for the Lord holds them by the hand", Psalm 37:23-24.
   I love this life that God has given me and I can't praise Him enough for making something beautiful out of my life that was such a hot mess and worse. "I lie awake thinking of you, meditating on you through the night. Because you are my helper, I sing for joy in the shadow of your wings. I cling to you; your strong right hand holds me securely", Psalm 63:6-8. 

Slow As Molasses

    "Slow as molasses" is an old phrase meaning painfully slow. Molasses pours out of a jar very slowly, especially in cold weather. This term is not used as much today since molasses is not used much by our modern fast-food families. It was used as a sweetener in days gone by (before we knew sugar was bad for you) as it is a rich, thick byproduct of sugar making. It was often used to make cookies and other sweet treats, back when mothers baked such things.
    "Slow as molasses" is the best phrase I can think of to describe myself right now. I have been sidelined for weeks with first the flu and then another round of snow and ice. I can sit for hours and watch the little finches fight over the spots on the feeders; or watch the alpacas raise their graceful necks to the sun as they munch on the crunchy coating of snow and sleet that covers our pasture.
    I am perfectly happy being slow this winter. Honestly, I've always been slow. I was never good at witty comebacks. It takes me awhile to process my thoughts and form them into words. I'd much rather give a prepared speech to hundreds of people than answer a question off the top of my head in a small group.
    I always thought slowness was bad; wishing I was the one to deliver that clever remark at just the right time; wishing I was the first one to know how to use the most current device. But that's ok. I'm ok. It's taken me 65 years to believe that I'm ok the way God made me. He made some of us to be the life of the party and some of us to speak life to one other person.
    I praise God for the life He has given me; the gifts He has given me; the sensitive personality He has given me. Even if sometimes I'm as" slow as molasses". Or as " slow as Christmas" which is a long 42 weeks away.
"O, Lord, what a variety of things you have made! In wisdom You have made them all. The earth is full of Your creatures", Psalm 104:24.
"May the glory of the Lord continue forever! The Lord takes pleasure in all He has made", Psalm 104:31.
"I will sing to the Lord as long as I live. I will praise my God to my last breath! May all my thoughts be pleasing to Him, for I rejoice in the Lord", Psalm 104:33-34.

Bitten

My daughter, her husband, and my two youngest granddaughters came to vist last weekend. We had a wonderful time keeping the little girls while their parents celebrated their dad's birthday.

I didn't know then that they had come bearing a host of nasty germs. My daughter woke up Sunday morning with a stomach virus. My three year old granddaughter went to the doctor Monday with a bad cough and tested positive for flu.

I feared I was bound to get one or the other and, sure enough, I was bitten with the flu bug. I'm obeying my doctor's orders to lay low and push fluids for three days.

As I sit here in my easy chair, I think back to two years ago when I was sidelined with a pinched nerve in my back. That time of seclusion turned out to be a blessing because I got closer to Jesus than I had ever been, after spending weeks just reading my Bible and praying to Him.

At that time, I decided I didn't ever want to go back to fast paced living. I decided that I wanted to live slower, to find the joy that comes in simple moments. I decided I wanted to declutter  my life and live with less. I was dismayed by the greed I saw, in my own closet.

I'm still working, with Jesus' help, in these areas. I still have a long way to go, but I'm determined to scale down my life so I can enjoy it more. I've been bitten by the desire to simplify my life, for real this time. I want to live how ever many days I have left in a way that glorifies God and not to buy into the excess of the world I live in. 

"Create in me a clean heart, O God. Renew a loyal spirit within me", Psalm 51:10.

"Put on your new nature and be renewed as you learn to know your Creator and become like Him", Ephesians 4:24.

Furry Love

If you're not a dog person you probably can't relate to this post. I love my Border Collie, Grace. When we got her, we already had two Livestock Guardian dogs and a tiny diva of a Pomeranian. We hadn't planned on getting another dog. But my husband read Philip Keller's book "Lessons Learned from a Sheep Dog, A True Story of Transforming Love", and he just had to have a Border Collie.

 

So my husband did what he always does, he got on Craigslist, and found a six month old Border Collie. Then I did what I always do, I got on Google, and read up on Border Collies. Everyone said that Border Collies were type A personalities; they are high energy, driven dogs who get obsessed over things and require a lot of time and attention.

 

I asked my husband if he had read about Border Collies and he said he had not. This from the man who always tells our children to never get a dog without thoroughly researching them, because  they will be living with you for 10 or 15 years. Then I asked him if he had asked the man why he was selling him. Of course, they are not going to tell you it is because the dog has eaten all their furniture,

but it is still good to ask.

 

Undaunted about either of these things, my husband's desire to get a Border Collie was bordering on obsession. The night he brought her home, he took her out to the backyard. Her head was down and her tail was between her legs. She was scared. I took Grace's face in my hands and told her that she didn't have to be afraid of us, that we were going to love her and take good care of her. That did it. That was the beginning of a beautiful love affair; but it wasn't between my husband and Grace, it was between Grace and me.

 

I love this dog. I told my husband I didn't realize how much I needed something with flesh and blood and hair to love on. He said I had needed that ever since my beloved  granddaughter had moved to Oklahoma. I guess he's right. Now I love Jesus more than anything on earth and I know that He is the only thing I can't live without; but it's sure nice on a dreary frigid winter day to come home and be greeted by a wiggly, friendly mass of furry love. Always. I praise God for His goodness to me.

 

"But I trust in your unfailing love. I will rejoice because you have rescued me. I will sing to the Lord because He has been good to me", Psalm 13:6.

White As Snow

    As I sit here in my sunroom this morning, watching the snow pour out of the sky and cover everything outside in a blanket of white, my thoughts turn to Jesus. The Bible says that Jesus' blood has covered my sins and left me white as snow. "Purify me from my sins, and I will be clean, wash me, and I will be whiter than snow", Psalm 51:7. And I believe it. I finally believe it!
     When I started this blog three years ago on a snowy day in February, I was in such deep depression. I had spent a lifetime listening to Satan's voice telling me I was worthless, damaged and different because of the sexual abuse. I had believed it and I was beat down. I lived in constant pain.
     That's when Jesus showed up and began to transform my heart. He led me to a Bible study for wounded women. In that class, my eyes were opened to see that I had let lies and negative thinking rule my life. I was defeated.
      Step by step, Jesus began to reveal His Grace to me. He reached down to this damaged woman and shined His light into all the places that were deeply hurt, all the places that had bled sorrow into my life. He showed me that I was not a bad person, but a woman that something bad had happened to.
     I learned that it didn't matter how good I was. All that mattered was how good He was. And He was good enough to give His body as a sacrifice for the sins of people like me, to wash me as white as snow. It is amazing. It is amazing grace. And I finally believe it! And I live in victory now!
     "We are made right with God by placing our faith in Jesus Christ. And this is true for everyone who believes, no matter who we are", Romans 3:22.
     "For the sin of this one man, Adam, caused death to rule over many. But even greater is God's wonderful grace and His gift of righteousness for all who receive it will live in triumph over sin and death through this one man, Jesus Christ", Romans 5:17.