"Hide Your Crazy"

 

   "Run and hide your crazy and start acting like a lady" .That verse from Miranda Lambert"s song, "Mama's Broken Heart", has been running around in my mind. I say that a lot to my dog, Grace the Border Collie. She is the sweetest and most loving puppy-until she isn't. She does have a streak of

   crazy.
     It makes me think back to the years of my life when I was trying to "hide my crazy and act like a lady". You just can't hide things like sexual abuse,  I taught Bible classes, and went to women's conferences, trying hard to hide how different and damaged I felt inside. It wasn't until I was almost 50 and shared the abuse for the first time with my Alanon sponsor that I began to heal.
     Praise God! When I couldn't hide the craziness any longer, Jesus showed up. When I brought my old stuff out into the open, Jesus shined His light on it and He healed me step by step. "He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire. He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along", Psalm 40:2.
     I no longer have to "hide my crazy". Jesus is making me into the woman that He created me to be.
"This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new  person. The old life has gone, the new life has begun", 2 Corinthians 5:17.

MORE

   I've been thinking a lot this summer about how much I really need. I identify with the little girl in the AT&T commercial who says, "If we like it, we want more! We want more!" That's me! If I like the way a pair of JJill linen pants fit me then I want them in 3 more colors. If 6 solar lights look good on my front walkway then I get 2 dozen more plus a butterfly and a sun and a moon. For crying out loud, I have 4 sets of dishes for my husband and myself to eat on.
   Excess. Greed. Not pretty words. "Their lives became full of every kind of wickedness, sin, greed, hate, envy, murder, quarreling, deception, malicious behavior, and gossip", Romans 1:29. Greed is defined as "a selfish and excessive desire for more of something than is needed.
   I'm going to a Bible study of Jen Hatmaker's book "The 7 Experiment". She takes 7 areas of her life and identifies the excess in that area. She then takes steps to rid herself of what is not needed and give to people who do need it
   I'm overwhelmed. I'm struck mindless. I don't know where to start. But God does. It starts with Jesus, with putting Him first, with surrendering all to Him. "So don't worry about these things, saying "What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear? These things dominate the minds of unbelievers, but your Heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek the kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and He will give you everything you need", Romans 6:31-33.
   MORE OF JESUS. THAT'S ALL I REALLY NEED.

Soaring

"He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless. Even youths become weak and tired, and young men will fall in exhaustion. But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint", Isaiah 40:29-31. My pastor used these verses Sunday and it got me to thinking about eagles. A few times since we've moved to the farm we've spotted a pair of bald eagles in the tree line at the edge of our pasture, along a creekbed. Regal looking, the bald eagle is a symbol of freedom in the USA and our national bird. Eagles have long fascinated me. I love how they can just spread their enormous (7 foot)wings and soar on wind drafts at speeds of 35-75 mph; searching for prey with their sharp eyesight. That's a picture of how God wants us to surrender everything to Him and then just go with the flow, soaring on the wind drafts of the Holy Spirit. Eagles mate for life and share the duties of building their quite large (up to 8 feet) nests, which they continue to use and add to year after year. We humans can certainly learn from them in this area. My favorite thing about eagles is what I read one time. If they have ingested something toxic or poisonous they will lay on a rock and spread their feathers out to the sunshine and let the sun draw the poison out of them. I try to follow suit. If I have let some bad thoughts or besetting sins create toxic feelings in me, I will sit for as long as it takes in the presence of Jesus, my Son-shine, and in His Word, until those bad feelings are replaced with His joy. I can also identify with their molting. The eagles molt in patches, taking a year to replace their feathers. They start at the head and work down. God has been transforming my heart, slowly, for years. He starts with my mind and replaces the negative thoughts with God-centered ones. It is a process. Yes, there is a lot we can learn from eagles. God spoke often of eagles in His Word. "You have seen what I did to the Egyptians. You know how I carried you on eagles' wings and brought you to Myself", Exodus 19:4. "Like an eagle that rouses her chicks and hovers over her young, so He spread His wings to take them up and carried them safely on His pinions", Deuteronomy 32:11.

Tiny Tyrant

   Our two youngest granddaughters, ages 2 and 8, came to spend last week with us. It gave my daughter a much needed break and we had a blast but we were exhausted by the time we took them back to Oklahoma on Monday. Bella, the 8 year old, was great and although she is known for her "Bella meltdowns", she didn't have a single one while she was here. However,  Kaya, the 2 year old, was a tiny tyrant.
   Kaya had learned over the holidays that if she climbed on a bar stool and sat at the counter and yelled "cucack" enough times that someone would give her a cupcake. She continued this tradition this past week. You don't want to say "no" to her when she has her mind set on something. It took 40 minutes and 3 of us to get her dressed in the mornings. I have never seen legs and arms slip so fast in and out of clothes before.
   But we loved every minute because we love those two little girls to the moon and back. I thought about how much Jesus loves me. It doesn't matter how much of a tyrant I am; it doesn't matter how difficult I am; or how set I am on getting my way. Jesus loves me to all eternity and back. I pray that He will help me to get over my tyranny of selfish ways and to follow Him.
"Then Jesus said to His disciples, "If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross, and follow me. If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it, But if you give up your life for My sake, you will save it", Matthew 16:24-25.

One Step Ahead

   We have a new puppy at our place, a six month old Border Collie that we named Grace. I figured she was going to need a lot of grace, and we were, too, to raise her. I gave my husband Phillip Keller's book "Lessons From a Sheep Dog" for his birthday. Keller had a Border Collie as his beloved companion and sheep herder. You know what comes next, right? My husband had to have one, too.
   We've found out since Grace has been at our house that we need to keep one step ahead of her. These dogs are highly intelligent and full of energy. As I've thought about Grace, I have seen how I need to keep one step ahead of Satan. If I give Satan an inch, he'll take a mile. If I give him a thought, it will stay in my mind a whole day. If I give him one bad experience, he'll push me into depression for days.
   I can keep one step ahead of Satan if I refuse to think negative thoughts and by reading my Bible and claiming Jesus' promises daily. I can keep one step ahead of Satan by recognizing that I am a child of God and by resolving to not let  bad experiences trigger old thoughts of inadequacy and lack.
   I am not that abused, damaged little girl anymore. I am a mature woman that has been in love with Jesus for a lot of years. If I surrender all my cares to Him daily and ask Him to walk with me every second and every step of the day, then He will enable me to keep one step ahead of Satan. 
"So humble yourselves before God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you", James 4:7.
"...because the Spirit who lives in you is greater than the spirit who lives in the world", I John 4:4b.

No Pecking Order

   It's weaning time on our little sheep farm. When the lambs get eight weeks old we separate them from their mothers. After we weigh and vaccinate them, we put the females in one pen and the males in another. They do not like this, of course. They cry for a couple of days and nights until they discover that they are safe and that grass and grain can fill up their bellies just fine. My tender heart hates that we have to do this but I know it's the way of life.
   Right now we have four females and four males that have been weaned. It's been interesting to watch them establish their "pecking order". It changes with each new lamb. It's not necessarily the oldest that gets to be leader but often the biggest and always the most confident. Given time, they learn to work it our among themselves. I see this happen with the birds at the feeders outside my window, with our dogs, and also when our grandchildren come to visit. I guess all of creation follows a "pecking order" where the fittest get the best and the rest just hang on.
   I'm not good with the "pecking order" thing. I've never had the confidence to rise to the top. Most of the time I'm just grabbing hold and hanging on for dear life. I'm glad that there's no "pecking
 order" where Jesus is concerned. He loves us all equally. While the world tells us that we need to be more, Jesus tells us that we are enough just like we are. That's why I want Him for my Good Shepherd.
"He tends His flock like a shepherd. He gathers the lambs in His arms and carries them close to His heart, He gently leads those that have young", Isaiah 40:11.
  

The Covering

   The sheep we have are katahdins. They are a hair sheep. They don't have wool. Instead, they have a wool-like covering they shed in the spring. They look a little scraggly this time of year as they are shedding. They can often be seen rubbing up against the fence for a little help in getting this covering off. 
   I wasn't born with a covering but I took one on after the childhood abuse. It was a covering of guilt and shame and self-loathing. After I became a Christian, I began to shed it but it hung on tenaciously.
It clung to me for years, like a bad odor, refusing to move on. It affected my thoughts and actions and image of myself for a long time.
   I'm free of it now. I quit listening to Satan's lies about myself and began to believe God's Word. God's Word says that I am covered with a robe of righteousness.
"I am overwhelmed with joy in the Lord my God! For He has dressed me with the clothing of salvation and draped me in a robe of righteousness", Isaiah 61:10.