Monday, February 28, 2011
Blame It On The Blanket
I've lived my life with a veil of depression clouding most of my days. I don't know if I would have been like this without the abuse. But I know my past has been a big part of the depression..
Twelve years ago, God led me through several intense years of healing from the pain, loss, and unforgiveness of my abuse. After that time and with the help of antidepressents, I felt like a new person.
Five years ago, an extremely heavy and dark cloud settled over me and I couldn't get out from under it. It blindsided me beacuse I didn't think I would ever feel that way again. It has been one of the most difficult and uncomfortable times of my life.
It's beginning to lift. Looking back, it seems as though God has been using this time to heal me further, cutting deeper into my wound. Bad habits and negative thought patterns have developed from the defense mechanisms I had created as a child in order to protect myself. It is not an easy process going through these changes. But God is faithfully working on me, and someday soon I believe I won't have anything to blame on the blanket.