Thursday, May 19, 2011
It has been that way my whole adult life, assuming responsibilty for other people's well being and happiness. That flawed thinking comes from a long standing desire of mine to control everything; and desire to control comes from a lack of trust.
After being sexually abused as a small child, I grew up not trusting anybody or anything. That carried over into my relationship with God. I didn't even trust God to take care of me or people I love. Instead, I developed an obsessive desire to control everything myself so that nothing could go wrong. It's exhausting to live like that.
Celebrate Recovery calls it codependency. "Codependency can be defined as an addiction to people, behaviors or things. Codependency is the fallacy of trying to control interior feelings by controlling people, things, and events on the outside."
One of the best statements I've ever heard was an AA slogan years ago: "Let go and let God". There's a world of wisdom in that statement. It's Biblical, too. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do, and He will show you which path to take", Proverbs 3:5-6. NLT
I'm going tomorrow to see my little granddaughters. The oldest one is graduating from kindergarten and has a dance recital. What God is teaching me is that He can be trusted. He can even be trusted with taking care of the most precious things in my life-these two little granddaughters. "Those who know Your name will trust in You, for You, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek You", Psalm 9:10. NIV