Sunday, March 20, 2011

I'm A Wallflower

I'm a wallflower. I admit it. I'm at the dance but just on the fringe. I don't want to get in the middle and dance because then I wouldn't be invisible. People would see me and talk about me. I'm much more comfortable on the sidelines where no one ever looks, backed up against the wall.

You see, that's a metaphor for my life. The sexual abuse when I was a small child did a number on my self-esteem. I grew up feeling like I was different from other girls, damaged and used. I never felt like I fit in.

I grew up afraid of people, of what they would do to me. I felt like I had to protect myself so I erected a wall around me to keep people out, like the gate at a gated community.

Many years later, I'm still a wallflower. I'm still hiding behind that wall. I'm still more comfortable when I'm invisible.

But God has invited me to dance. He's asking me to join Him in the two-step of life; to feel free to be in the middle of the floor, unencumbered by the wall, joyful, laughing. He has told me that He's my protector. He wants me to just let loose and move out.

I'm hesitant and fearful. I don't like to be seen, but I'm tired of being a wallflower. Because He has asked, I just might start dancing.

"You turned my wailing into dancing; You removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing to You and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give You thanks forever", Psalm 30:11. NIV


  1. God loves it when we dance with Him. I am so glad for all the times He's invited me to the floor for the two step. I really feel like something when I'm with Him. Thank you for dropping by my place! Wishing you a wonderful week!

  2. I love how God has invited you to dance. I am on my way to dancing with Him as well. Blessings to you dear Peggy.

  3. How beautifully you write and describe your feelings.

    I can't imagine the pain of what you have been through as a little girl, it hurts my heart just to think about it but you are so brave. Even if you don't feel brave, you are.

    Dance and know God thinks you are precious. You are not a wall flower in His eyes. He notices and cherishes everything about you.