Sunday, March 20, 2011
I'm A Wallflower
You see, that's a metaphor for my life. The sexual abuse when I was a small child did a number on my self-esteem. I grew up feeling like I was different from other girls, damaged and used. I never felt like I fit in.
I grew up afraid of people, of what they would do to me. I felt like I had to protect myself so I erected a wall around me to keep people out, like the gate at a gated community.
Many years later, I'm still a wallflower. I'm still hiding behind that wall. I'm still more comfortable when I'm invisible.
But God has invited me to dance. He's asking me to join Him in the two-step of life; to feel free to be in the middle of the floor, unencumbered by the wall, joyful, laughing. He has told me that He's my protector. He wants me to just let loose and move out.
I'm hesitant and fearful. I don't like to be seen, but I'm tired of being a wallflower. Because He has asked, I just might start dancing.
"You turned my wailing into dancing; You removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing to You and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give You thanks forever", Psalm 30:11. NIV