Thursday, March 24, 2011

Like A Two Year Old

I'm like a two year old. "Me, me, me, me, mine, I want". I don't like being that way but I am. It's taken so much of my energy each day just to try and feel like a "normal" person. My depression has kept me focused on myself, given me a "me" mentality. I feel like it takes me at least half a day of prayer, of talking to myself, of thinking positive thoughts, of wrestling down my demons, just to get to the place where a lot of people wake up being, and some days I never make it there at all.

It's exhausting and I don't like it. As God heals me, I hope I can grow up and take the focus off myself. I hope I can focus on Him and how I can show His love to other people. I hope I can graduate from the basic preschool songs, "Jesus Loves Me" and "God Is So Good", finally believing their simple truths "down deep in my heart".

I'm not where I want to be but I'm not where I used to be either. Praise God, He's still working on me. It's a process and change doesn't happen overnight. I want to enjoy my two year old grandchildren, not be like them. I want to teach them these simple truths:

"Jesus Loves Me" by Anna B. Warner

"Jesus loves me, this I know
for the Bible tells me so.
Little ones to Him belong
they are weak but He is strong.

Yes, Jesus loves me
Yes, Jesus loves me
Yes, Jesus loves me
The Bible tells me so".
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5 comments:

  1. FlanneryMarch 24, 2011 at 11:08 PM

    Hi Peggy,
    I just found your blog and read your beautiful story. I am so sorry for what has happened to you and for the pain you have had to suffer all of these years. I admire your faith in God and the lovely way you express your thoughts and feelings in words. Thank you for sharing.
    Flannery.

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  2. Just Be RealMarch 25, 2011 at 4:17 AM

    This post touched me Peggy. I am reading your daily battle and it hurts me to see your struggle. So glad that you do know our Heavenly Father, as He does help us and heal us. I enjoy coming to your blog and reading your journey. You are an encourager. Blessings.

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  3. Grandma KMarch 25, 2011 at 2:56 PM

    Just found your blog through Colleen....

    I admire your courage and honesty. I am also grateful that you have chosen to 'hang in there' as you put it. I do believe the journey is worth it and obviously you have many people in your family to whom you are precious.

    I am so thankful for the redeeming work of God in lives, in my life.

    I was encouraged to read today "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." I needed that this morning. May it bring encouragement to you too.

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  4. Saleslady371March 25, 2011 at 4:49 PM

    You are doing all the right things, my friend. Taking your medicine, The Word, every day and praising Him is the best! I stand with you believing in victory. It is on it's way to you, Peggy!

    Hugs,
    Mary

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  5. ColleenMarch 26, 2011 at 10:20 AM

    Peggy, what a beautiful and truly Godly desire. I hope this doesn't sound presumptuous but I believe from your words that your spirit is further ahead than you may think. You heart and desires seems to be leading you to a deep faith and you recognize so many things that so many never do.

    God bless Peggy. You are on your way to where you hope to be.

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