A majority of the difficulties in my life I can trace back to a lack of trust.
I didn't trust life. I didn't trust myself.
I didn't trust people.
I didn't trust God. I didn't trust trust.
What is trust? Brennan Manning in his book "Ruthless Trust" says trust is belief plus hope. An AA slogan says "Let go and Let God". The Bible says "Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen", Hebrews 11:1. AKJV
I know lack of trust has kept me from having peace of mind and has kept me desperately seeking that peace.
As I have come to realize that the abuse was not my fault- that I was not a bad person but a little girl that something bad happened to- then I have been able to believe that God loves me. And when I believe He loves me, I can trust Him.
It's hard to trust when difficulties pop up unexpected in life and when God appears to be dormant. But I think the kind of trust God wants us to have is a trust that doesn't waver when life doesn't make sense, when nothing is fair, when it doesn't look like God is working in our problem; a trust that holds firm regardless of the situation. That is real, pure, Biblical trust. I want it. I need it.
I'm getting better. I am trusting more as I look back on my life and see that God has never once failed me. I'm able to let go a little more of that control and surrender instead to Him.
"Something is afoot in the universe; Someone filled with transcendent brightness, wisdom, ingenuity, and power and goodness is about. In the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary, somewhere deep down a Voice whispers, "All is well, and all will be well." Brennan Manning in "Ruthless Trust"